Surrender and Recovery

I’ve been clean for 39 years and I am passing through another time when a lot of people close to me are in the very initial stages of recovery. I wish I had fantastic words of wisdom to pass on, but in my experience the addict’s reality is warped and twisted. My words are barely heard because the addict is reeling, spun around, depressed and trying to fugure out how the fuck they are supposed to stay clean for the rest of their fucking life.

I approach the addict with baby steps. A good chat about their life, and the impact of booze, drugs, whatever usually gets the ball rolling. I discuss the first part of AA’s Step One, just the first part, in which is “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and/or drugs), and our lives have become unmanageable”.

I emphasize the first part of step one, “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol )and/or drugs. I also add in the first line of Step one in the AA Big Book is, “Who cares to admit complete defeat? Practically no one, of course” . I love the words “of course”! Of course, no one wants to acknowledge complete defeat.

I frequently speak at rehabs and to new people in recovery, and I explain powerless by drawing an analogy to professional boxers. Professional boxers train their whole life to make sure they will always get back up off the mat, always! One time, al least, a match ends in complete defeat, surrender! The manager in the corner begs the boxer to “stay down”, he sees it’s over. He fears for the health of his boxer, and still the fighter desperately tries to get up. All his instincts cry out “GET UP”, but he can't get up off the mat. He’s beat, done, out! He is powerless and surrender is offered. If the crazy boxer does get up, we all know he’ll be back down again, and this time with more pain.

It's that simple. You can't get up. You're beat. ““Who cares to admit complete defeat? Practically no one, of course”

Actionable advice:

The odds are stacked against the addict; the success rate is low because it’s really hard. It requires a massive change in your perspective. Why? Most new people in recovery have a huge list of problems in their life because of their addiction; it’s the unmanageable part! A few examples, they are broke, in debt, nearly divorced or divorced, kids alienated, job loss, the law etc. They also have a social life filled with other addicts who seem like great allies. Like it or not, most of the old using crowd has to go. Most folks think these problems are insurmountable, but rest assured they aren’t. If you accept “you are powerless” , you will go to a meeting that day. As they say in our literature, you will seize the program of AA like a dying man seizes a life preserves. The winners, those who are fortunate enough to admit defeat, grab the life preserver and hang on; they get help immediately. Those who are not ready, the ones who decide to think about the life preserver usually lose. The ones who lose typically rationalize some half ass excuse to wait and ponder their dilemma, or maybe they need to settle in at home to enjoy some quiet reflection. I ask “what the fuck are you pondering? I bet, in some deep part of your addicted brain, you are trying to sneak away and get fucked up”. You know it and I know it!

Part one of step one is a huge admission, and almost everyone I know struggled to “own the reality” of powerlessness. It’s a hard reality to look at, and most addicts fight with it. No one can make the decision for you. If you truly admitted defeat, then getting off your ass is easy.

You are not alone.

The recovering community is filled with people who want to help; I beg of you to use them. I have seen lives, families and finances destroyed and put back together. Unfortunately, I watched many more people fail. The winners are miracles! Every single day is a new opportunity to start fresh and there’s always, and I mean always support waiting. You can do it, if you admit powerlessness and immediately take action.

Best of luck…..one day and one step at a time.